Art is its own reward, just ask Burt Ward
Supper last night: One heaping bowl of Coconut Chicken curry with Jasmine rice, a little taste of heaven.
Snack last night: one bag of low fat butter flavored popcorn.
I drank 3 diet caffeine free cokes yesterday.
Breakfast this morning: Two peices of whole wheat toast lovingly sandwiching veggie eggbeaters and a chopped up sausage and a low fat cheese slice. Accompanied buy some soy orange juice.
I realise it's a little late for new years resolutions. I've never been very good at keeping them anyway, but I've decided that this year is my year for forceable change. I know that change happens regardless of whether or not I'm trying to make it happen so I can't just call this the year of change. So it's forceable change, I'm actually going to make and effort and steer my change this year. Then I can take the next 30 or so years off again. I want to finally get rid of this weight and I want to stick with it. I'm making a pact with myself that I am not going to give up on going to the gym and eating better until 2007. If nothing happens between now and then I'll throw in the towel in January 2007 and try to contentedly pass my remaining years as a dumpy, fumpy old lady. I don't know what I'll do in January 2007, if things are actually successful.
How am I going to judge sucess? I'm going say that if I can't wear pants even a size smaller than what I am wearing right now then I'll say nothing happened. This is a bit of a cheat because I think I could already fit into a 20 (albeit snuggly). Success is feeling better about myself. Success is having a permanent change of relationship with food. Or at least a longstanding relationship change.
I've never been good at sticking with things. My husband is lucky we're still married. He's the longest commitment I've ever kept. I couldn't even finish university without taking a break. I've even had a break from my job. Why is it that I embrace changes like new experiences and changes of commitments but reject healthy changes like better eating habits and fitness?
It occured to me the other night that balancing work, Motherhood, home and my life in general, while difficult and sometimes complicated has made me feel most like a normal human than I have ever felt. It's what I've always wanted and yet I hate it. I can not seem to reconcile my desire to be average with my need to be one of a kind. I have to admit that I enjoy my life being much more fast paced because it leaves less time for boredom and idle thoughts and creative distractions. I used to think that being busy meant less time for fun. I don't think that's true anymore. Going to the gym really isn't fun but what would I do otherwise? Sit on the Sofa and try to find something to watch on TV, that's not really that fun either.
I'm trying really really hard to be the person I want to become. That person is confident, fit, content, and put together. All I really have going for me right now is a false confidence I can put on like a mask and a contentedness with my family life, everything else could use some work.
I know it's hard to make a whole bunch of radical changes all at once so I'm trying not to do that. I think I'd be setting myself up for failure. I'm working on one thing at a time. First was getting active. I've been regularly going to the gym for almost 2 months. I think I've got that down. I'm working with a trainer to keep my motivation up and keep my strength building. Now it's time to make some food changes. Instead of going whole hog and only eating carrot sticks and salad for the rest of my life. I'm going to try to make healthier choices. It doesn't have to be the Healthiest choice I can make but so long as it is healthier than what I would normally choose I'm going to say that's good. I'm not saying I'm not going to have days where I fail miserably, lord knows that McDonalds is still going to call my name night and day and there's going to be time I'm just going to HAVE to give in. What can I say? I'm weak. But when it all adds up I'm going to be better off than I was before. That's what's really important.
Snack last night: one bag of low fat butter flavored popcorn.
I drank 3 diet caffeine free cokes yesterday.
Breakfast this morning: Two peices of whole wheat toast lovingly sandwiching veggie eggbeaters and a chopped up sausage and a low fat cheese slice. Accompanied buy some soy orange juice.
I realise it's a little late for new years resolutions. I've never been very good at keeping them anyway, but I've decided that this year is my year for forceable change. I know that change happens regardless of whether or not I'm trying to make it happen so I can't just call this the year of change. So it's forceable change, I'm actually going to make and effort and steer my change this year. Then I can take the next 30 or so years off again. I want to finally get rid of this weight and I want to stick with it. I'm making a pact with myself that I am not going to give up on going to the gym and eating better until 2007. If nothing happens between now and then I'll throw in the towel in January 2007 and try to contentedly pass my remaining years as a dumpy, fumpy old lady. I don't know what I'll do in January 2007, if things are actually successful.
How am I going to judge sucess? I'm going say that if I can't wear pants even a size smaller than what I am wearing right now then I'll say nothing happened. This is a bit of a cheat because I think I could already fit into a 20 (albeit snuggly). Success is feeling better about myself. Success is having a permanent change of relationship with food. Or at least a longstanding relationship change.
I've never been good at sticking with things. My husband is lucky we're still married. He's the longest commitment I've ever kept. I couldn't even finish university without taking a break. I've even had a break from my job. Why is it that I embrace changes like new experiences and changes of commitments but reject healthy changes like better eating habits and fitness?
It occured to me the other night that balancing work, Motherhood, home and my life in general, while difficult and sometimes complicated has made me feel most like a normal human than I have ever felt. It's what I've always wanted and yet I hate it. I can not seem to reconcile my desire to be average with my need to be one of a kind. I have to admit that I enjoy my life being much more fast paced because it leaves less time for boredom and idle thoughts and creative distractions. I used to think that being busy meant less time for fun. I don't think that's true anymore. Going to the gym really isn't fun but what would I do otherwise? Sit on the Sofa and try to find something to watch on TV, that's not really that fun either.
I'm trying really really hard to be the person I want to become. That person is confident, fit, content, and put together. All I really have going for me right now is a false confidence I can put on like a mask and a contentedness with my family life, everything else could use some work.
I know it's hard to make a whole bunch of radical changes all at once so I'm trying not to do that. I think I'd be setting myself up for failure. I'm working on one thing at a time. First was getting active. I've been regularly going to the gym for almost 2 months. I think I've got that down. I'm working with a trainer to keep my motivation up and keep my strength building. Now it's time to make some food changes. Instead of going whole hog and only eating carrot sticks and salad for the rest of my life. I'm going to try to make healthier choices. It doesn't have to be the Healthiest choice I can make but so long as it is healthier than what I would normally choose I'm going to say that's good. I'm not saying I'm not going to have days where I fail miserably, lord knows that McDonalds is still going to call my name night and day and there's going to be time I'm just going to HAVE to give in. What can I say? I'm weak. But when it all adds up I'm going to be better off than I was before. That's what's really important.
posted by Dealing with it at 7:39 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home