M.I.A.
So yeah I've had a few days break from this whole secret blogging business. It was initiated on thursday when after the H man arrived home from supper and I had a complete and total meltdown in which I threw my supper plate across the living room and proceeded to leave in a huff and then drive around for a few hours telling myself what a complete and total waste of human life I am. So yeah...I kind of needed a break. It's likely a moot point because, as far as I know, no one is reading this besides me. Maybe I should have been blogging the melt down business for posterity or reference.
Anyway, the eating plan when completely off the rails when I went through the drive thru and ordered not one but two filet-o-fish sandwiches. Let me tell you, they were the best f$%^ing fish sandwiches of my life but my full attention wasn't there when I ate them so I had to go to DQ and get a blizzard with which to devote my attention. I wasted absolutely no time with guilt feelings over this food because I felt so completely terrible about myself that I didn't care if it would be the death of me. In fact it would only be fitting if it actually did kill me because I have trouble being a normal human being I should just pitch this life and start over with another one. Maybe I should read some more of that Robert Thurman book because I have a sneaking suspicion that that's not really how buddism works.
Anyway, I'm giving the food thing a little rest for a while. I think I might have been putting too much pressure on myself and then having meltdowns because of my frustration at the lack of results.
My best friend was headed to our hometown on Saturday and she asked me if I wanted to go along. It ended up being me taking her there instead of the other way around. I loaded up Monk and took him to visit my sister. She didn't finish class until 1 and we arrived at 10am so BF could make an appointment. Monk and I were flying solo for 3 hours. We went to "The Mall". Despite being the largest mall in this region I didn't find a single thing to buy. I spent 10 cents on a glass of hot water to mix up a bottle for Monk. We walked around and window shopped. I went to old navy to see if they had anything cute for Monk but they didn't have anything that he just HAD to have. Things have to be pretty darn cute to be cute enough for him. Anyway, We had lunch with my sister and her person and hung out for the afternoon until it was time to go back and get the best friend. The trip there and back was made completely worth it by the car ride with BF. I'm continually astonished by how much I enjoy her company, not because she's not a wonderful person (because she is) but because short of the H-man I've never known anyone to GET me quite the way she does. We had a really interesting conversation about trying to live by a morality that is defined by judeo christian principals and how that doesn't always fit our lives and the residual guilt it results in. In some ways, she's more of a sister to me than either of my sisters. Except that she'd be a sister I've made out with which would just be gross. LOL. She makes me realise I'm a better person than I give myself credit for and yet she makes me want to be a better person than I currently am. Our husbands are very much the same man ( I don't mean that literally) they are like the same car only each one of them has different features. You strip them down to thier basic parts and you'd have the same framework. It's really bizzarre how much we all have in common. It's almost unnatural to meet your virtual twin only to discover that she married your husband's virtual twin. People continually mistake us for sisters. She was my maid of honor at our wedding and we I brought my pictures into work all my coworkers went on about how much "my sister" looks like me. Everyone loves her, and I mean LOVES her. It's bizarre. People fight over her friendship. I have a secret pride that she picked me to he friend over all others. We enjoyed yesterday's road trip so much that we did it all again today. Except we got rid of the baby and added a dog and a camera. It was the perfect was to spend a sunday. Driving around with a friend bitching about husbands, parents, work, tight clothes. It made me remember the parts of humanity that I don't suck at quite so much.
Anyway, the eating plan when completely off the rails when I went through the drive thru and ordered not one but two filet-o-fish sandwiches. Let me tell you, they were the best f$%^ing fish sandwiches of my life but my full attention wasn't there when I ate them so I had to go to DQ and get a blizzard with which to devote my attention. I wasted absolutely no time with guilt feelings over this food because I felt so completely terrible about myself that I didn't care if it would be the death of me. In fact it would only be fitting if it actually did kill me because I have trouble being a normal human being I should just pitch this life and start over with another one. Maybe I should read some more of that Robert Thurman book because I have a sneaking suspicion that that's not really how buddism works.
Anyway, I'm giving the food thing a little rest for a while. I think I might have been putting too much pressure on myself and then having meltdowns because of my frustration at the lack of results.
My best friend was headed to our hometown on Saturday and she asked me if I wanted to go along. It ended up being me taking her there instead of the other way around. I loaded up Monk and took him to visit my sister. She didn't finish class until 1 and we arrived at 10am so BF could make an appointment. Monk and I were flying solo for 3 hours. We went to "The Mall". Despite being the largest mall in this region I didn't find a single thing to buy. I spent 10 cents on a glass of hot water to mix up a bottle for Monk. We walked around and window shopped. I went to old navy to see if they had anything cute for Monk but they didn't have anything that he just HAD to have. Things have to be pretty darn cute to be cute enough for him. Anyway, We had lunch with my sister and her person and hung out for the afternoon until it was time to go back and get the best friend. The trip there and back was made completely worth it by the car ride with BF. I'm continually astonished by how much I enjoy her company, not because she's not a wonderful person (because she is) but because short of the H-man I've never known anyone to GET me quite the way she does. We had a really interesting conversation about trying to live by a morality that is defined by judeo christian principals and how that doesn't always fit our lives and the residual guilt it results in. In some ways, she's more of a sister to me than either of my sisters. Except that she'd be a sister I've made out with which would just be gross. LOL. She makes me realise I'm a better person than I give myself credit for and yet she makes me want to be a better person than I currently am. Our husbands are very much the same man ( I don't mean that literally) they are like the same car only each one of them has different features. You strip them down to thier basic parts and you'd have the same framework. It's really bizzarre how much we all have in common. It's almost unnatural to meet your virtual twin only to discover that she married your husband's virtual twin. People continually mistake us for sisters. She was my maid of honor at our wedding and we I brought my pictures into work all my coworkers went on about how much "my sister" looks like me. Everyone loves her, and I mean LOVES her. It's bizarre. People fight over her friendship. I have a secret pride that she picked me to he friend over all others. We enjoyed yesterday's road trip so much that we did it all again today. Except we got rid of the baby and added a dog and a camera. It was the perfect was to spend a sunday. Driving around with a friend bitching about husbands, parents, work, tight clothes. It made me remember the parts of humanity that I don't suck at quite so much.
posted by Dealing with it at 4:26 PM
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